Grief Support Group

Ways to Emotionally Regulate and create Coping Skills in times of complex grieving-

1. Meditation- One way to meditate is to look up YouTube videos that offer guided meditations that have you visualize, relax with the music, and/or offer mantras to participate in with your voice as well. This helps in the way of getting grounded and in your present moment. We all need a break from our grief and this is such a relaxing way to give you the sense of well- being. You can always do the sitting in the power meditation incorporated in the videos that help you clear your mind and connect with life force energy.

2. Breath Work- Focused breath work helps to ground you and center you as well. There are many different breath work exercises you can look up and incorporate the ones that help you, but here are a few to try to get a sensation of peace now. Close your eyes, relax your body, breathe in through your nose for the count of 3- fill your lungs- hold for the count of three- release for the count of 8- expel all air, and begin again. Repeat at least 3 times and check in with yourself to see if you feel more relaxed and emotionally centered. Adjust this anyway that accommodates you and your needs.

3. Music- Put on music that YOU enjoy! We can express our emotions through music or bring us to a desired thought space and emotion through music. If you need to calm yourself, put on something that is calming and relaxing. If you need to put something on that makes you want to dance and feel happier, do that! Listen to things that give you a sense of well-being. Music can be a great way to change our thoughts, therefore change our emotional state to feel more centered and grounded.

4. Mindfulness- This is an exercise that you will have to focus on- helping you to take a break from intense moments of grief. Try a peace of candy. What does the candy in your mouth feel like? What does it taste like? Can you also smell it at the same time? Is it smooth or rough? Does it melt quickly? Focus intently and only on the candy. As you do, and as you finish your candy, did you have any intrusive thoughts? If this helped to keep intrusive thoughts at bay, and give you a break from intense grief, keep it as a coping skill. When you are triggered, go back to this to get centered along with breath work.

5. 333 Rule- This is a great exercise to help you get into your present moment- in intense moments of grief.

1. Identify 3 things you see in the room that are red. Now identify three things in the room that are blue. And lastly, identify three things that are brown.

2. Identify 3 things you hear. Do you hear the sound of the clock? Do you hear cars passing by outside? Do you hear birds chirping? What do you hear?

3. Move three Body Parts- One at a time, choose a part of the body to move. Will you gently bounce your right foot up and down off the floor? Will you gently roll your shoulders? Possibly clap your hands together gently 10 times and count as you go. This helps to get grounded and focused on something else if you are in intense grief.

6. Muscle Relaxation- On a scale of 1-10 how tense and stressed is your body? 1 being relaxed, 10 being super tense. Pick your number.

Now, begin to breathe deeply through your nose slowly and exhale through your mouth slowly- letting all tension go on the exhale. Do this 3 times.

You will start by squishing your toes into a tight ball. Hold for 3 seconds, and release. Do this exercise 3 times.

Now, squeeze your knees together if you can. Hold for 3 seconds, and release. Do this exercise 3 times.

Pretend you have lemons in each hand. Squeeze the lemons tight for 3 seconds, and release. Do this exercise 3 times.

Touch your shoulders to your ears, hold for 3 seconds, and release. Do this exercise 3 times.

Relax your jaw. Relax your eyes, close them. Allow your forehead to relax. Deep breathe through your nose, exhale and release the tension. Do this 3 times.

Now- how do you feel? Check in with yourself…. On a scale of 1-10 where is your level of tension and anxiety? Repeat at will to get your number down and come to a sensation of well-being.

7. Horizontal Line-

Imagine a horizontal line at your feet. This line is bright, beautiful, love and compassion. Allow this beautiful line of light to start traveling up and over your feet. This feels warm and relaxing. As the line travels slowly up your legs, abdomen, chest, arms, neck and over the top of your head, so relaxing, you start to feel very safe, comforted and relaxed. Once this beautiful light reaches over your head, it begins to travel back down your body and eventually reaches your feet once again. Allow this light to go up and down your body and enfold you in divine love and compassion, bringing your awareness to a complete sense of relaxation and support.

8. Grounding Techniques-

1. All about the 5 physical senses. In intense emotional states, run your hands under warm or cold water. Feel the physical sensations. When you change the temperature of the water, do the sound also change? Do you see the water increase or decrease when you change it from warm to cold? Focus on the water.

2. Getting grounded with the ground- This will help you to anchor yourself energetically. Sit on the ground if you like. Take your shoes and socks off and allow your feet to touch the earth. If you care to, lay down. Now, what do you feel? What do you smell? What do you see? What do you hear? Stay focused here. Connect with the earth and your physical sensations.

3. State the facts: In intense emotional situations, state the facts. What is your full name? When were you born? What is the location you are at? How old are you? What is happening right now? Are you sitting down? Are you inside or outside? What are your parents names? What kind of ice cream do you like? What is your pets name? Now, say to your self, “ I am safe- I am safe- I am safe.” Repeat at will.

9. Sensation Shifting-

This is where you will focus on different sensation in your body.

1. Are there any spaces in your body that feel warm? What emotion is in this space?

2. Are there any spaces in your body that feel cold? What emotion is in this space?

3. Are there any spaces in your body that feel heavy? What emotion is in this space?

4. Are there any spaces in your body that feel calm? What emotion is in this space?

5. Are there any spaces in your body that are tingling? What emotion is in this space?

Where in your body are you feeling the emotions of your grief? How is your grief being experienced in your body? Allow yourself to do the muscle relaxation exercises again or breathing techniques that will allow your grief to soften and become physically relaxed.

10. Pendulation-

1. What emotions are you currently experiencing? Anger? Sadness? Anxiety?

2. Where in the body are you experiencing these emotions? Anger in the chest? Anxiety in the stomach? Sadness in the heart?

3. Now lets identify calming emotions in the body. Do you feel PEACE in your hands? Do you feel SAFE in your feet? Do you feel LOVE in your cheeks?

4. Now- where are your heavier emotions in the body? Are they in the same place? Have they moved to a different part of the body? Do they feel less or more intense?

5. Once again, let’s start to identify your calming emotions and sensations in your body. Where do you feel peaceful? Where do you feel the sensation of love? Where in your body do you feel safe?

These exercises help you to become more self- aware and understand that you can move to a place in the body that feels safe, full of love and peaceful.

11. Letting it float away.

In this particular exercise we will do a little meditation that I feel is very helpful for clients and grief.

Allow yourself to get in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and relax your body. Focus on your breath. Allow your body to breath very naturally. Your just listening and feeling your body breathe.

Now, imagine you are in a beautiful meadow. The warmth of the sun is perfect and delightful. There can be a gentle breeze. You can sit and rest here. Here you are very safe and comfortable. As you look around, you notice a beautiful tree. The leaves are golden, red and orange. The leaves on this tree begin to gently fall one at a time, very slowly, softly, and in a very relaxing way. As you are resting in this beautiful place, a leaf gently falls into your lap. With this leaf, I want you to write on it something that feels out of your control. You notice a gentle stream nearby and you put the leaf in the stream. Allow yourself to watch the leaf float gently down the stream and it gets further and further away from you. Eventually, you can no longer see the leaf. If need be, get another leaf to write on. If you like, you can write down a heavy emotion that you have been feeling on this leaf and set it lovingly in the stream. Watch this leaf gently float down the stream and out of sight. Repeat at will until you feel lighter.

When you feel ready to come back, wiggle your toes and fingers. Very gently open your eyes and feel the lighter sensations within your physical body and your heart space.

If you like to visualize clouds floating by in the sky rather, that is a beautiful exercise as well- allow yourself to decompress and let go- let it float away….

12. Directed Journaling-

Here are a few journal prompts to give you a start in opening your heart.

1. What kind of things did your loved one teach you about life?

2. How did they manage challenging times and what lessons can you take from those experiences?

3. What strengths did they see in you?

4. What difference might it make to keep their memory alive?

5. Who do you want to be- even though they aren’t physically here?

13. Pet therapy-

If you already have pets in any form or fashion, you probably already understand their incredible way they provide love and healing for you. If you do not have a pet, do consider this option if your life and surroundings will support you in this avenue. Animals are a direct connection to love, compassion and understanding. Just hold them, love them, share your deepest grief with them. They understand and will help to heal the void you feel in your heart and soul.

Guilt Work and a New Conscious Perspective

Guilt can be a very normal emotion associated with loosing a loved one. This can include feelings of wanting to do more for them, not making it in time before they passed, feeling responsible for their passing in some way, having feelings about a less than desirable relationship with them and so on. Your thoughts and emotions are very normal. It is important to understand there is so much that is out of our control and we need to just see things from a different perspective. Here are some things that can help with the feelings of guilt and beyond.

1. Your loved ones in spirit can hear you.

   Your loved ones in spirit are in a different conscious perspective where they are now but they have the ability to know what is still happening in your life and they can hear you when you speak to them. They know when your heart is grieving for them. They understand what you are energetically feeling and they want you to know they are ok and at peace. It does not matter how your loved one passed. They all make it to the same conscious connection and I can guarantee you that they are just fine.

   As a medium, I have experienced hundreds of messages from loved ones on the other side. There is a theme that rings true in all of these readings. Your loved ones in spirit are continuing their soul journey and they want you to allow yourself to release any negative heavy emotions you are still holding onto- (including any guilt in any way). They love you so very much and will always continue to know the love that still binds you. If they experienced any physical pain before their passing, they are no longer connected to the physical body and they are in a beautiful state of peace, love and contentment.

   What is important is - you understand they are very well where they are. They still love you and want you to find your state of well-being and peace. They want you to heal in such a way that allows you to feel plugged back into life and your heart to be free. They know you will always have them in your heart. but they want you to live. To really live. To find your state of well-being and beyond -because your life here is very valuable.

   With this being said, feel free to do some exercises that will free you up, no matter what emotions arise. You will experience many emotions through your grief healing journey. Anger, sadness, denial and beyond. These are normal. Allow yourself to feel them. Allow yourself to process them. This is the journey of grief.

2. Feel free to talk to them like they’re here beside you. Do things that you would normally do with them. Drink coffee and visit? Go to the park? Take a walk together? Watch certain movies together? What did you do together that made the two of you laugh? What you really enjoy doing together? Know that they are there with you in these moments. It may take some time to understand or really feel their presence with you but this can be a very healing exercise.

3. Honor your loved one in spirit in some way. Plant a tree in their honor. Possibly donate your time to a cause in their honor. Look for a way to honor them that makes you feel good and knowing you are doing something valuable to yourself and humanity in some way. Dedicate a bench to sit on in their honor. Create a poem or write a book of your life and time together. Paint for them. Do photography in their honor if you feel the desire. Tell stories of your loved one in spirit. Make a memory box of pictures or items of theirs. You can absolutely keep their memory alive with you! They are still with you in the connection of love and they know what you are doing still! Remember, they have no expectations of you in any way. Your grief healing journey is for YOU- so do what creates a space of healing and peace for yourself, no matter what that is. Please keep yourself physically, emotionally and mentally safe. Always reach out to a grief counselor or therapist if you feel you can not walk this road alone. It’s ok to not be ok. Reach out to grief support groups. Reach out to family members that make great grief companions.

   Reach out- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I hope this information helps you in some way.

Please remember to be gentle with yourself and have a lot of grace for your healing journey.

Know that you are always surrounded by an incredible team of beautiful spiritual assistance that is ready to help you - if you just ask.

Let Love and Compassion fill and surround you in this time.

Know that your loved one in spirit is with you as well, still loving you and listening to you.

For a today filled with hope- Alicia